The Fuss about Communication in Relationships — How to Do It Right
Pardon my cliché, but communication is key to the success of every partnership, relationship, yada, yada, yada, you get the drill. As tired as you must be of hearing it, it’s true. Effective communication happens when you’ve successfully conveyed the right ideas or feelings.
Being a great communicator is not only about being a great talker; you must also learn to listen to people. In a relationship, good communication helps you express yourself in a healthy way, listen to your partner attentively, and provide feedback on what they say. Healthy communication practice by both parties will help your relationship flourish. Here are 8 ways to do it.
1. Avoid Reading Meanings into Observations
Many times, you would observe things your partner does that don’t sit well with you. In this case, it’s best to try to communicate your observations without labeling or interpreting them. For instance, if your date arrives late, settle with the fact that he is just late. Avoid interpretations that border on the date not meaning much to him/her. Rather than reading meaning into their actions, you could make a factual observation by saying “I realize you were late for our date”.
2. Ask More of Open-Ended Questions
Asking open-ended questions would help you go beyond the surface conversations and properly get to know each other. The goal of this is to allow your partner to get comfortable expressing their deepest feelings. However, you don’t want to put too much pressure on them with yes or no questions like “Did you have a good day?” Instead, ask more open-ended questions like, “How was your day?” With time, questions like these give them an opportunity to share more as they choose to.
3. Take Note of Non-verbal Cues
Many times, you’d have to pick up messages from the tone of your partner’s voice. A “my day was fine” with an irritated, upset, or angry tone means there’s something they’re not saying yet. Picking up on these nonverbal cues would be an important skill in your relationship. Take note of your partner’s facial expressions, the movement of their hands, their body language, and listen to their tone of voice. These could just help you in getting them comfortable to talk.
4. Express Your Feelings without Being Judgmental
You need to always communicate your feelings. Arguments in relationships often stem out of hidden emotions. This is why you must understand how you’re feeling and express it in a non-judgmental way. A simple “I am feeling annoyed about this”, or “I am getting bothered by this” would go a long way to making sure things don’t blow out of proportion.
5. It’s Not Always about You
You must learn to take yourself out of the equation as much as possible. Do this by taking note of how many times you say “I”, “You”, or “We”. Don’t make the conversation mostly about yourself. Always bring in your partner by asking questions about their feelings, their thoughts, and what’s going on with them. At the same time, you should be careful of the context when you say “You” during conversations. It could be that you’re pointing fingers and placing blame.
6. Express Your Needs
If you don’t tell your partner what you need, there’s no way they’d be able to meet it. You should understand and express your needs. Then your partner can decide whether they can and want to meet them. For instance, you could say: “I would like to be treated this way” or “I would like to feel like you’re not placing this above me”.
7. Negative Conclusions
One thing that hurts relationships fast is making the worst out of situations. You should avoid overthinking or making out things to seem so awful. Some of your partner’s actions will have negative consequences. However, it would help if you didn’t exaggerate them. If, for instance, your partner fails to respond to a text immediately or doesn’t come through on something you want, don’t jump to the conclusion that you don’t matter to them and that there’s probably someone else in the picture.
8. Give Room for Valid Excuses
Sometimes, things might not totally go your way and you have to be fine with that. For instance, in a long-distance relationship, you and your partner could decide to meet again in a few months’ time, but then your partner tells you that May does not work for them. You shouldn’t decide that if he is unwilling to make May work, you won’t meet with him any other time in the year. It’s important in these cases to give room for your partner to choose a convenient time.
While it’s easier to write articles like these from the romantic relationship perspective, the tips usually apply to platonic and even business relationships as well.
Dealing with humans is hard, and I’d like to think we could use all the help we can get. I know I could. And most importantly, remember that communication is a 2-way street. If you’re putting in ALL the work and your energy isn’t being matched, you may want to reevaluate that relationship.